Being the true you is really the only way to be healthy and happy.
We know this to be true, don't we? If we can be ourselves at home, it is the best place to be. We re-energize ourselves at home when we can just "be." But if we feel criticized or guarded around our family or others we live with, we don't feel comfortable or happy in our homes. Isn't this true?
Being the true you means just being you despite what others think, say, or expect of you. How they respond reflects on them. It is their issue, not yours. Of course it's not okay to be rude to them; but I think we care too much about what others think about us and our choices. It's our job to be ourselves and allow others to be the same. It is not okay for either party to take all the power in the relationship. It should be 50/50. Don't allow others to manipulate you or control you in a relationship. As children, we didn't have a choice about who was in control, but as adults we do.
It is our job and our right to decide who we want to be. Come up with your own ideas, rather than what you think others will like, even society. Who are you? What do you truly enjoy? Many people think "society" knows what's best. be it where we should live, what kind of house we should live in, what kind of counter tops we should have, etc. We think society knows what beauty is, what a good career is, what activities we should be doing. How is that even possible if everyone is unique? We all have different needs and wants. We are individuals.
When we are not our true selves, it causes tension in our bodies. We become afraid that we won't measure up to others. How can we remain relaxed in our bodies when our thoughts are filled with fear? When we are true, we relax into ourselves.
Action
You may at first feel nervous when trying to be the true you. Will others like you? Will they be mad at you for not being who they want you to be? Even if they are mad, they will get over it. They may like you even better because you'll be more relaxed and happy.
Sometimes I hear a person who has been married a long time say, "my spouse is not the same person I fell in love with." It is possible that they were their true self at first and then became the person they thought was expected of them in being married and being a parent. Sometimes the person changes in response to our trying to change them to be more like what we want. It's not their true self, nor is it fair to ask them to change. You may be happier to let them be their true self again.
Give yourself permission to be yourself and give others the same permission. Life will be so much more fun!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Work the energy out
In order to stay healthy, we need to release the things that bother us. Saying it out loud is one way, another is through movement. We can physically work it out of us. We can dance it out, punch it out, kick it out, wiggle it out, anything at all; so long as we do it with the intention to move it out of us.
But to really get it out, we need to fully connect with where it is held in our body. If you are angry, truly feel the anger and notice what tightens up inside you. Do you feel it in your stomach? Do you feel it in your chest? Does your whole back tighten up? Or your neck or jaw? Do you get a headache? Where do you feel it?
How strong is the feeling? Are you just a little upset? Are you furious? However you feel, match the intensity. It's fine to feel annoyed and it's fine to feel crazed. Don't judge your feelings; simply feel them. Make sure no one is around to feel your wrath.
Do you feel sad? Hopeless? Defeated? Frustrated? Confused? Betrayed? It's all okay. It's what you feel.
Action
So go ahead. Punch a pillow. Shake a pillow. Beat your hands on the ground. Kick a kick bag or do push-ups. Punch a heavy bag or something made for that purpose. Put music on and dance around. Run around the house. Do whatever feels right to you. Connect to where you feel it and breathe it out of you.
Other feelings may surface as you do this. Or you may feel the same emotion, but about something different. Let all of it come up. When it feels like the feelings are gone, take a deep breath. You may feel tired or rung out, but you will feel better.
Now continue to dance around or punch it out with the intention to re-energize yourself. Get the energy inside you moving. You'll feel the endorphin levels increase, or the "runner's high" kick in. Feel yourself moving the good, positive energy through you. When you start to feel good again, you'll know you're done for now. Go enjoy something!
But to really get it out, we need to fully connect with where it is held in our body. If you are angry, truly feel the anger and notice what tightens up inside you. Do you feel it in your stomach? Do you feel it in your chest? Does your whole back tighten up? Or your neck or jaw? Do you get a headache? Where do you feel it?
How strong is the feeling? Are you just a little upset? Are you furious? However you feel, match the intensity. It's fine to feel annoyed and it's fine to feel crazed. Don't judge your feelings; simply feel them. Make sure no one is around to feel your wrath.
Do you feel sad? Hopeless? Defeated? Frustrated? Confused? Betrayed? It's all okay. It's what you feel.
Action
So go ahead. Punch a pillow. Shake a pillow. Beat your hands on the ground. Kick a kick bag or do push-ups. Punch a heavy bag or something made for that purpose. Put music on and dance around. Run around the house. Do whatever feels right to you. Connect to where you feel it and breathe it out of you.
Other feelings may surface as you do this. Or you may feel the same emotion, but about something different. Let all of it come up. When it feels like the feelings are gone, take a deep breath. You may feel tired or rung out, but you will feel better.
Now continue to dance around or punch it out with the intention to re-energize yourself. Get the energy inside you moving. You'll feel the endorphin levels increase, or the "runner's high" kick in. Feel yourself moving the good, positive energy through you. When you start to feel good again, you'll know you're done for now. Go enjoy something!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Say it out loud
Saying what we need to say is very important, otherwise it holds in our body as tension. What we want to say may not always seem appropriate. Once expressed, it may hurt someone's feelings, cause more tension or be said at the wrong time. We may jump the gun and say something that hasn't been tested as true yet.
But what I'm talking about right now is getting things off our chest in privacy. What we hold inside needs to come out. It is important to release the energy held with the thoughts and words. Our throat is generally where it is held. We can feel the tension in our TMJ's, or jaw, and our neck. Holding stuff in is not good. The thoughts or things that we hold inside need not necessarily be said to another person, but simply expressed, out loud, to ourselves. Many times it is both more prudent and beneficial if we express such thoughts in private. We just need to get it out rather than hold it inside.
Action
When you are alone, say what's bothering you. Say it when no one will hear you and say it with emotion. Get it out! Let loose! Saying it releases the energy held inside. When we talk to others, we don't usually say everything and we don't say it with all the emotion it carries.
It needs to be said with the intention of saying it and letting it go. What is the point of holding on to it? Take as long as you need and use whatever words you need to in order to truly express and release it. You don't have to filter your words, no one can hear. It can be biased, a matter of opinion, ugly, unkind, whatever. When you feel it's all out, take a deep breath, then say something positive to replace that energy. Something like: "I release this and trust it will all fall into place," "I let it go and fill myself up with happiness," or "I'm done being mad, I don't need this anymore."
It's also very good to start speaking out loud about what you want in life, as opposed to what you don't want. Use the power of words, thoughts, and feelings to your advantage. Stop using words to complain and bring yourself down. There must be a balance. You can't hold everything in and you needn't dwell and complain about it all the time. Get it out and leave it there. Enjoy!
But what I'm talking about right now is getting things off our chest in privacy. What we hold inside needs to come out. It is important to release the energy held with the thoughts and words. Our throat is generally where it is held. We can feel the tension in our TMJ's, or jaw, and our neck. Holding stuff in is not good. The thoughts or things that we hold inside need not necessarily be said to another person, but simply expressed, out loud, to ourselves. Many times it is both more prudent and beneficial if we express such thoughts in private. We just need to get it out rather than hold it inside.
Action
When you are alone, say what's bothering you. Say it when no one will hear you and say it with emotion. Get it out! Let loose! Saying it releases the energy held inside. When we talk to others, we don't usually say everything and we don't say it with all the emotion it carries.
It needs to be said with the intention of saying it and letting it go. What is the point of holding on to it? Take as long as you need and use whatever words you need to in order to truly express and release it. You don't have to filter your words, no one can hear. It can be biased, a matter of opinion, ugly, unkind, whatever. When you feel it's all out, take a deep breath, then say something positive to replace that energy. Something like: "I release this and trust it will all fall into place," "I let it go and fill myself up with happiness," or "I'm done being mad, I don't need this anymore."
It's also very good to start speaking out loud about what you want in life, as opposed to what you don't want. Use the power of words, thoughts, and feelings to your advantage. Stop using words to complain and bring yourself down. There must be a balance. You can't hold everything in and you needn't dwell and complain about it all the time. Get it out and leave it there. Enjoy!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Living in the Moment
If we could just live one day at a time and stop thinking about the future, we could really enjoy the day. This is sometimes easier said than done when we have bills to pay, a job to do, and if we have a family to raise.
Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who helps me quite a bit. I know I am fortunate in that respect. But very often one person (often the mom) has the family schedule in her head. We know where everyone has to be for the whole week. We know when appointments and play dates are, what homework has to be done, showers taken, vitamins and medicines to be taken, birthdays to be remembered, etc. As parents, we also try to remember that each person in the family needs to be shown love and attention. We need to show that we care about how our childrens' week, school and friendships are going; in addition to seeing to it that our husbands don't feel neglected, that our parents are okay, and that we reach out to friends to keep our other relationships healthy. Add to this laundry, dishes, cleaning, ironing, shopping, and activities, and it is no wonder it seems so hard to stay in the present moment.
That being said, it's still worth a try. When we can stay in the moment, life takes on a sweetness. We really hear our kids and spouses. Feeling present and focused allows us to really enjoy them and celebrate who they are. They are not perfect, neither are we. We need to give them, as well as ourselves, some slack. Every child is different. Each needs different things, responds to different things, and above all, has very different gifts and talents that will amaze us.
Our relationships with our spouses or significant others can stay strong and passionate if given continual consideration and attention. Though there are times when divorce is necessary, there are instances in which it might have been avoided if only each person could have remembered to live in the moment, to cut each other some slack, paid attention, and made an effort to remember why they fell in love in the first place.
When we live in the moment, we also see what really needs to be done versus what can be forgotten or rescheduled for another time. If we remain present, we allow things to fall into place naturally and very often be resolved for us.
Action
For one day, try not to think about any day but today.
If things come up that you think you'll forget, simply write them down for tomorrow. Keep reminding yourself, "stay in the moment and enjoy today." Enjoy those around you wherever you are. Staying in the moment allows you to be focused, centered, and grounded and allows your body to relax and stay healthy. Try one day, you'll love it!
Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who helps me quite a bit. I know I am fortunate in that respect. But very often one person (often the mom) has the family schedule in her head. We know where everyone has to be for the whole week. We know when appointments and play dates are, what homework has to be done, showers taken, vitamins and medicines to be taken, birthdays to be remembered, etc. As parents, we also try to remember that each person in the family needs to be shown love and attention. We need to show that we care about how our childrens' week, school and friendships are going; in addition to seeing to it that our husbands don't feel neglected, that our parents are okay, and that we reach out to friends to keep our other relationships healthy. Add to this laundry, dishes, cleaning, ironing, shopping, and activities, and it is no wonder it seems so hard to stay in the present moment.
That being said, it's still worth a try. When we can stay in the moment, life takes on a sweetness. We really hear our kids and spouses. Feeling present and focused allows us to really enjoy them and celebrate who they are. They are not perfect, neither are we. We need to give them, as well as ourselves, some slack. Every child is different. Each needs different things, responds to different things, and above all, has very different gifts and talents that will amaze us.
Our relationships with our spouses or significant others can stay strong and passionate if given continual consideration and attention. Though there are times when divorce is necessary, there are instances in which it might have been avoided if only each person could have remembered to live in the moment, to cut each other some slack, paid attention, and made an effort to remember why they fell in love in the first place.
When we live in the moment, we also see what really needs to be done versus what can be forgotten or rescheduled for another time. If we remain present, we allow things to fall into place naturally and very often be resolved for us.
Action
For one day, try not to think about any day but today.
If things come up that you think you'll forget, simply write them down for tomorrow. Keep reminding yourself, "stay in the moment and enjoy today." Enjoy those around you wherever you are. Staying in the moment allows you to be focused, centered, and grounded and allows your body to relax and stay healthy. Try one day, you'll love it!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Simplify your schedule
Running around definitely adds to the tension in your body. Most people have too much on their plate when it comes to schedules. Some don't have enough, but most have too much. Especially those in the 25-50 age range who are trying to balance jobs, kids, parents, homes, relationships, and other obligations. We can do it all, just not always at once.
Why can't we say no to things that are not essential at this point in our lives? We need to sometimes take a step back and reassess our lives. Are we happy? Are we being effective with the time we have? Are we utilizing our time in a way that allows us to enjoy life? Are we spending time with those we care about? Are we spending it on activities we really want to do?
People talk about a mid-life crisis happening around 40-50, but I think some experience it even younger now. It doesn't have to be a crisis, it can be more of a step back, a break, a reassessment if you will. We don't need to make major changes if we catch it soon enough. We designed the life we have; we just didn't realize as we were building it that it would become too heavy and weigh us down. That's when people start talking about fantasies of running away, living on an island, getting out of marriages, or how life will be once the kids move out. Some look to affairs, which don't carry the weight of commitment or the expectations or hurts often accumulated in marriages. It's not our spouses, kids or parents that are the problem; it's us. We need to check in with and find where we lost touch with ourselves and our deepest needs and desires.
When we can lighten our schedules and spend some time thinking of how we want to spend our time, we can make changes without hurting those around us. It really isn't about them. It's us. Sometimes we do find that we are in situations that are not healthy for us, such as a relationship, a job, a financial state or lifestyle that is weighing us down. But if we're too busy, we won't clearly see what needs to change.
Action
Look at your schedule and the way you do things in your daily life. See what can be shifted or eliminated to give you free time, then use that time to reassess how you are living your life. Start adding in fun things you like to do to start balancing out your life. But always keep some space, so you are not running around. At the end of my life, I'd like to say that I left the world a better place but also that I really enjoyed my time here. Are you enjoying your time?
Why can't we say no to things that are not essential at this point in our lives? We need to sometimes take a step back and reassess our lives. Are we happy? Are we being effective with the time we have? Are we utilizing our time in a way that allows us to enjoy life? Are we spending time with those we care about? Are we spending it on activities we really want to do?
People talk about a mid-life crisis happening around 40-50, but I think some experience it even younger now. It doesn't have to be a crisis, it can be more of a step back, a break, a reassessment if you will. We don't need to make major changes if we catch it soon enough. We designed the life we have; we just didn't realize as we were building it that it would become too heavy and weigh us down. That's when people start talking about fantasies of running away, living on an island, getting out of marriages, or how life will be once the kids move out. Some look to affairs, which don't carry the weight of commitment or the expectations or hurts often accumulated in marriages. It's not our spouses, kids or parents that are the problem; it's us. We need to check in with and find where we lost touch with ourselves and our deepest needs and desires.
When we can lighten our schedules and spend some time thinking of how we want to spend our time, we can make changes without hurting those around us. It really isn't about them. It's us. Sometimes we do find that we are in situations that are not healthy for us, such as a relationship, a job, a financial state or lifestyle that is weighing us down. But if we're too busy, we won't clearly see what needs to change.
Action
Look at your schedule and the way you do things in your daily life. See what can be shifted or eliminated to give you free time, then use that time to reassess how you are living your life. Start adding in fun things you like to do to start balancing out your life. But always keep some space, so you are not running around. At the end of my life, I'd like to say that I left the world a better place but also that I really enjoyed my time here. Are you enjoying your time?
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